Happy Easter!!!

Today is Easter and I am a mess of emotions. First thing to get me on my emotional landslide........ Last night Darren and I watched Passion of the Christ. Wow....what can I say? I have seen it before but it still moves me. I am so overwhelmed, I can't believe Jesus did all of that for us....for me. Second, I am feeling sorry for myself because I can't enjoy any of the "good" treats for Easter. I soooo want a chocolate cupcake right now. But I have lost almost 15 pounds and I am not going to screw it up, so no cheating. I kept on the plan. I'm a bit grumpy about it, but hanging in there. Third, this whole adoption has taken over my life. I am trying to play it so calm and cool, but I think about it 24/7. I am so ready to love on a baby or toddler. Owen is too big....lately I've been kissing and hugging on him and he smiles then slips away....Luke is way too old...he gives "knuckles" now not kisses. And Hannah well, she's 14--enough said. I am longing to hold a baby...it's just like when I was pregnant. At about 8 months I was so over the "belly" and feeling the kicking..I wanted to hold that baby. I feel that way now. I have a dear friend, Crystal, who has a little sweetie, Hudson. He will be two in June.....that little squirt used to love on me....now he is way to busy, he wants to play with the "big" kids. Darn.

I am also nesting....I cleaned out Luke's old room on Saturday. It is now ready to be painted and decorated for our little girl. Now I just need that girl. I have finally ventured onto the "chat rooms" for our agency. Kind of hard to follow the conversations....10 or more going on at one time...but I did find out that there are quit a few families waiting for little girls. But also found out that Sue, our agency director, has given out a few referrals this past week so that means we are moving up on the list. When I mentioned on the "chat" that I was waiting for a referral, Sue replied with "give me a week or so....I am waiting on medicals". So I am assuming that means she may have a little girl in mind for us!!!!!! I am trying not to get my hopes up....but how can I not??????????? I am excited, scared, worried, thrilled and completely freaked out. We also found out this week that the "two trip" rule is back again. I think if your court date is May 1st or after you are required to travel to the court date and the embassy date. So that stresses me out even more. That means another trip to Ethiopia, more time away from my kids-figuring out who is going to stay with them, etc. I am a planner......I have probably mentioned that before... :) Not having a time line is really driving me crazy-but I know it's all in God's time. Not mine. He has that perfect baby for us and we will go get her at the perfect time. I know it will all work out, but the "planner" in me is a bit worried. I just have to trust that God is in control and I need to sit back and enjoy the ride. That also means more money to find.....any money trees out there that need a good trimming????? :)

So to sum it up, I am on pins and needles. Constantly checking our email, chat rooms and client website. Nothing really changes in 15 minutes or so, but just in case-I feel the need to check in. This is so huge and going to change my family in every way. I hope our extended family and friends "get it". I'm not sure if they really do. If you look at my life right now, it is pretty perfect. I have a wonderful family, a great house, fun job and amazing friends. My kids are old enough now to pretty much take care of themselves, which means I can take off and run to the store or the mall and not worry about them. I know they will be fine. I grab my purse and off I go. With a new baby...that's not gonna happen......back to diapers, cheerios and naps. Not the easy going life I have right now. So why would I change that? Some people think we are crazy and totally do not get it. Well, I am doing this because Jesus has asked us to take care of the widowed, the orphaned and the poor. I want to do that. I am so lucky and blessed. I feel it is my duty as a true Christian to give back. I don't mean to get all "churchy" on you, but it's true. Jesus gave up everything for me, I can easily give up my time and my love to care for on of God's precious children. I am so excited to really get started on this journey. And I really hope all my family and friends come along for the ride.