Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day.....bitter sweet

Well, today is Mother's Day. We have had a busy day and I got to enjoy my family. First, my church family at early service. Second, we met my parents and two grandma's for brunch. Third, we went to the farm to see Darren's Mom and sister's family. We are now home and we have all gone our seperate ways....doing our own thing. I am searching the waiting list to see if any new children have come into our agency....what's new right?
When I woke up this morning and went out for breakfast...Darren said, "I was hoping we would get a referral for Mother's Day." Yeah, me too. The waiting is getting to me. Some days are better than others. I try so hard not to worry about it....it will happen when it's the perfect time and God knows when that is going to be.....I wish He would let me in on the secret!!! But I jump at every phone call...every email. It's pathetic. I'm trying to keep busy and not worry about it. I am working on a garage sale.....why am I doing that? I hate it every time. Tons of work for not alot of money. But the garage sale has kept my mind off of the baby...until I go to a friends garage sale and buy the cutest darn clothes for a little girl I don't even have yet. Yes, I did. I told myself I wouldn't buy clothes and I did. I caved in a weak moment. But they are soooooo cute. Already hanging in her closet. I have no idea if our child will even fit into them, but if not, I'll put them in my garage sale...or give them to Jennifer. I bet they will fit her little girl.....we just need to get her home too. The office that can sign off on the last paper for her adoption is closed right now. So baby S is just waiting......just like us, I guess. Do you think she is as stressed as we are...or is she enjoying the life she knows right now? That's what I need to do....enjoy the life I have right now. Why stress out about something I have no control over. It's not fair to me or my family. I will do better....I promise.

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