Stress and a diet....not a good combo

It has been a bumpy couple of days on the adoption front.....I am an emotional wreck...but what's new right? This whole process has thrown me for a loop. We are at a crossroads right now....the point of no return. Bermuda Triangle, if you will. Don't get me wrong....I am NOT changing my mind. I want to adopt more than ever, it's just I am searching for answers, trying to make the right decisions. I obviously can't go into the details, but I am struggling. Really struggling. I need a sign. I literally need that loud Holy voice to come out of the Heaven's and speak to me. Tell me what I should do-show me the right direction. But does that really happen, in the Bible it does...but this is Monticello. I've heard of people saying they literally heard a voice loud and clear. But my head is so cloudy right now.....I know miracles happen. I've seen it, it happened to a dear friend just a week or so ago. He is lucky to be alive...but the stars aligned and everyone he needed was in the right place at the right time. God just wasn't ready for him yet. What does God have planned for me? He already knows, He already has the perfect child for us..but the path I am taking is a little weeded over and I can't seem to find my way.
What I need right now are prayers from my friends. Please pray that we find peace in our decisions and find our way to our little girl.
On a "lighter" note....pun intended....the diet is going well. I have lost around 25 pounds...woo hoo. I feel great and I am back in my "skinny" clothes. But.....right now I am so stressed, I really want eat sit down and eat a bowl of popcorn. Yes, popcorn. Not even a bag of doritos or 6 chocolate chip cookies...just popcorn. But I'm being good....pray for me on that subject too. :)

Amharic anyone?

I'm so excited, I ordered a book and CD called Simple Language for Adoptive Families-Amharic. I got it today...it's really good, believe it or not.....you just never know with things like this. I am hoping it will help us talk to the nannies that have taken care of our child and to help us connect to her at first. The "experts" say to use words she is used to hearing to help sooth and calm them.
So...let's practice together.. :)

I am your Mommy. Eh-NAY eh-NAH-tish negn (It's different for boys...)
You are my daughter. Ahn-CHEE lee-JAY nesh
I love you so much! Beht-AHM ehn-wuh-dih-SHAH-loh!!!!!

Oh, boy...this may take awhile. Luckily, I have a CD to listen to the pronunciation.
I'll let you know how we are progressing.

Wish I was here.....

Ok, I'll admit it, I am stressed and grumpy. Waiting is hard...we are panicing about the two trip rule and getting the money to pay for this adoption. I would love to take our daughter, Hannah, on one of the trips but I'm not sure that can happen. So I have been wishing I was on a beach somewhere relaxing....no worries, a good book to read, and maybe a margarita...but that's not on my diet, so I guess it's a green tea. Anyway, these are some of my favorite pictures of our last vacation with Darren's entire family. We always have so much fun, it is truely amazing how well we all get along. I love them all so much. Wishing I was here.......
by the way...those are NOT my toes..... :)

Happy Easter!!!

Today is Easter and I am a mess of emotions. First thing to get me on my emotional landslide........ Last night Darren and I watched Passion of the Christ. Wow....what can I say? I have seen it before but it still moves me. I am so overwhelmed, I can't believe Jesus did all of that for us....for me. Second, I am feeling sorry for myself because I can't enjoy any of the "good" treats for Easter. I soooo want a chocolate cupcake right now. But I have lost almost 15 pounds and I am not going to screw it up, so no cheating. I kept on the plan. I'm a bit grumpy about it, but hanging in there. Third, this whole adoption has taken over my life. I am trying to play it so calm and cool, but I think about it 24/7. I am so ready to love on a baby or toddler. Owen is too big....lately I've been kissing and hugging on him and he smiles then slips away....Luke is way too old...he gives "knuckles" now not kisses. And Hannah well, she's 14--enough said. I am longing to hold a baby...it's just like when I was pregnant. At about 8 months I was so over the "belly" and feeling the kicking..I wanted to hold that baby. I feel that way now. I have a dear friend, Crystal, who has a little sweetie, Hudson. He will be two in June.....that little squirt used to love on me....now he is way to busy, he wants to play with the "big" kids. Darn.

I am also nesting....I cleaned out Luke's old room on Saturday. It is now ready to be painted and decorated for our little girl. Now I just need that girl. I have finally ventured onto the "chat rooms" for our agency. Kind of hard to follow the conversations....10 or more going on at one time...but I did find out that there are quit a few families waiting for little girls. But also found out that Sue, our agency director, has given out a few referrals this past week so that means we are moving up on the list. When I mentioned on the "chat" that I was waiting for a referral, Sue replied with "give me a week or so....I am waiting on medicals". So I am assuming that means she may have a little girl in mind for us!!!!!! I am trying not to get my hopes up....but how can I not??????????? I am excited, scared, worried, thrilled and completely freaked out. We also found out this week that the "two trip" rule is back again. I think if your court date is May 1st or after you are required to travel to the court date and the embassy date. So that stresses me out even more. That means another trip to Ethiopia, more time away from my kids-figuring out who is going to stay with them, etc. I am a planner......I have probably mentioned that before... :) Not having a time line is really driving me crazy-but I know it's all in God's time. Not mine. He has that perfect baby for us and we will go get her at the perfect time. I know it will all work out, but the "planner" in me is a bit worried. I just have to trust that God is in control and I need to sit back and enjoy the ride. That also means more money to find.....any money trees out there that need a good trimming????? :)

So to sum it up, I am on pins and needles. Constantly checking our email, chat rooms and client website. Nothing really changes in 15 minutes or so, but just in case-I feel the need to check in. This is so huge and going to change my family in every way. I hope our extended family and friends "get it". I'm not sure if they really do. If you look at my life right now, it is pretty perfect. I have a wonderful family, a great house, fun job and amazing friends. My kids are old enough now to pretty much take care of themselves, which means I can take off and run to the store or the mall and not worry about them. I know they will be fine. I grab my purse and off I go. With a new baby...that's not gonna happen......back to diapers, cheerios and naps. Not the easy going life I have right now. So why would I change that? Some people think we are crazy and totally do not get it. Well, I am doing this because Jesus has asked us to take care of the widowed, the orphaned and the poor. I want to do that. I am so lucky and blessed. I feel it is my duty as a true Christian to give back. I don't mean to get all "churchy" on you, but it's true. Jesus gave up everything for me, I can easily give up my time and my love to care for on of God's precious children. I am so excited to really get started on this journey. And I really hope all my family and friends come along for the ride.

Ducks in a row

Today we received that final piece of paper we needed.....the I-171H!! I opened the mail and honestly didn't know what it was....I DID not expect it this soon. It's only been a few weeks. So all of our ducks are in a row....now we wait on a referral. I am so axious - but trying to take it in stride and be patient. There are many families ahead of us, so I am assuming the wait will be awhile. It breaks my heart that there may be a child on the other side of the world and I may be their mommy....I am so ready to meet her and love on her. I can't wait!!! But I will, all in God's timing. I just keep repeating that to myself.
In the meantime, I have this diet to keep my mind occupied!!! I'm doing ok so far.

Change IS good.

I guess the change was good....I lost 8 pounds!!! Woo Hoo. It has not been easy but I am soooo excited.

No news on the adoption front....just waiting. Our dossier is in Ethiopia getting translated. We are now just waiting for a referral. Speaking of referral.......my friend Jennifer is "patiently" waiting for her referral. It's pretty much a done deal...just waiting for the paperwork. I am sooo happy for her and her family. The baby girl, Baby S, is SUPER cute. I can't wait to show her off, but we can't post pictures until she passes court. Now that all of this seems to be happening, Jennifer and I seriously have to figure out what we are going to do when we have to work. For those of you who may not know, Jennifer is my business partner at Pies By Inge and yes, we are both adopting from Ethiopia. We both love baking and love our jobs, but our babies come first. How can we bake and take care of our babies???? The most important thing with any adoption is the "bonding". This child has gone through so much at a young age. Issues with love, trust and abandonment are huge. We want that child to feel love, first and foremost. The "experts", whoever they are, even recommend keeping visitors and outings to a minimum at first. The child needs to know that "we" are their family. So what do we do??? We could find someone to watch the girls 3-4 days a week for 3-4 hours a day.......or cut our hours way back and maybe go in at night and bake when the hubbies are home....or bring in a pack and play and hope we have very happy babies and they will enjoy watching us bake......I guess we will just play it by ear. We still have a few months to figure it out.

Change is good.....right?

It's been a busy couple of weeks. We rushed around last week to get all of our paperwork mailed out. Now we wait for the I171-H, that allows us to bring a orphan back into the country.....and our referral for a child. We are #7 on the list for a little girl. I don't really know what that means other than we could get a referral next week, next month, or in 2,3,4 months...and on and on and on. There is just no way know. So we just wait and trust that God has that perfect little girl picked out for our family. I can't wait to see her face...I am already in love with her and I have no idea who she is yet.

This week has been a little stressful. We found out that we now may have to travel to Ethiopia TWICE. They have changed the proceedure and now want both adoptive parents to appear at the court date, that's when your child is officially adopted. Right now the proceedure is that a representative from our agency would have power of attorney to represent us at court. Then once all the visas and so forth were done, we would travel to pick up our child. There is much speculation on why they have changed this, one is a "medical" issue. There have been a few cases that the parents have traveled to pick up there child only to find out they are not as healthy as stated....I'm talking some pretty major issues. I've heard of one case where the parents left the child in the orphanage...can you imagine??? But once that child has passed court...they are no longer adoptable by another family, therefore spend the rest of their lives in the orphanage. So on one hand, it's good that we would have to travel and meet our child. We could also spend some time and visit the country and learn more about the culture. But on the other hand, that's alot of money and time away from my family and work. It would be hard to be away from my 3 kids that long. And work....what would they do without me??? :) We sure don't have another trip figured into the budget. We are guessing when this is all said and done this adoption will end up costing between $20,000 and 25,000...now add another $6,000 or so....holy cow. It's a little scary to think about. We have to believe that God will provide.

We have talked about doing some sort of fundraiser, but haven't come up with a great idea yet. So if any of you reading this have an idea, let us know!!!! I plan on having a garage sale this summer, but that won't even come close to what we need. We are also looking into "Lifesong" who will set up an adoption account for us and family and friends can donate and get a tax deduction, they also award matching grants. Which would be wonderful.

So the change has shaken things up a bit...but that's good right?

Speaking of change...I started a diet. A real diet. I went from teaching yoga and aerobics 4 times a week to being a bakery owner....not the greatest career change for my body. Honestly, the diet hasn't been too bad. I can't have any sugar. I thought it was going to be unbearable. But it's really not bad. I'm only 4 days in, but I was told the first 4-5 days were the worst. The one thing I am craving is salt. I would love to have a bowl of popcorn or chips and salsa. Those, I miss.... :( So I am trying to get myself back in shape and healthy again. I have to get in shape to keep up with a toddler again!!!!! I am only allowing myself to get on the scale once a week. I don't want to get crazy about it. So to my bloggy friends, keep me accountable. I will give my weekly updates and can hopefully report on my success!!