It has been a bumpy couple of days on the adoption front.....I am an emotional wreck...but what's new right? This whole process has thrown me for a loop. We are at a crossroads right now....the point of no return. Bermuda Triangle, if you will. Don't get me wrong....I am NOT changing my mind. I want to adopt more than ever, it's just I am searching for answers, trying to make the right decisions. I obviously can't go into the details, but I am struggling. Really struggling. I need a sign. I literally need that loud Holy voice to come out of the Heaven's and speak to me. Tell me what I should do-show me the right direction. But does that really happen, in the Bible it does...but this is Monticello. I've heard of people saying they literally heard a voice loud and clear. But my head is so cloudy right now.....I know miracles happen. I've seen it, it happened to a dear friend just a week or so ago. He is lucky to be alive...but the stars aligned and everyone he needed was in the right place at the right time. God just wasn't ready for him yet. What does God have planned for me? He already knows, He already has the perfect child for us..but the path I am taking is a little weeded over and I can't seem to find my way.
What I need right now are prayers from my friends. Please pray that we find peace in our decisions and find our way to our little girl.
On a "lighter" note....pun intended....the diet is going well. I have lost around 25 pounds...woo hoo. I feel great and I am back in my "skinny" clothes. But.....right now I am so stressed, I really want eat sit down and eat a bowl of popcorn. Yes, popcorn. Not even a bag of doritos or 6 chocolate chip cookies...just popcorn. But I'm being good....pray for me on that subject too. :)
Awwww, Tracy...big hugs. I'll be praying for you. And congrats on the weight loss! I started Weight Watchers (again) four weeks ago b/c of your inspiration. You wrote something a while back in your blog about looking at your diet as a good distraction from the stress of the adoption stuff. That really stuck with me...use the diet as a distraction! Great idea!!! Thanks for the kick in the pants! I've lost 7 so far...only 63 to go! :)
ReplyDelete:) I would like to speak for God (we're close you know) but I obviously can't.
ReplyDeleteI believe you should continue the course. Adoption is certainly a Holy calling (and I would argue being Biblically obedient).
We can talk about it over the next couple of days as I will be spending much of my time playing Street Fighter 4 with Darren on the Xbox.
Ian, you are crazy and I wouldn't have it any other way!!!! Love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you, Tracy! The Holy Spirit will give you peace if you on the right path and keep you in check. Hang in there and keep your eyes on Him! He may not speak in an 'audible' voice or send post it notes when we want them, but He will guide you!!
ReplyDeleteTracy
ReplyDeleteAs far as I am concerned you have made it through the "weeds" of the adoption process : ) All the paper work. Try to enjoy as much as you can the peace in that! You are right, God already knows what is going to happen and you can not imagine the joy that you will find in your daughter when you see that 1st picture, get that 1st video and then hold her for the 1st time!
If it brings you any peace we are still waiting for our referrals so I completely know your ache!! I am constantly checking email, face book, skype ANYTHING that Sue might contact me on and tell me "you have referrals!!!" I will be in prayer for you and I hope you can find peace and joy in the adoption process :)